Question: Write a poem about loneliness through the eyes of an ageing tiger. 

(Random enough to be a challenge, I thought.)

Response: Sure, here is a poem about loneliness through the eyes of an ageing tiger:

The stripes upon my fur are fading,
The scars of battle long since healed.
I've seen the young grow old and dying,
And watched the new ones take their field.
I've roamed these jungles for so long,
I know each tree and hidden path.
I've seen the seasons come and go,
And watched the rains and droughts and wrath.
But now I'm old and tired and lonely,
And all my friends are gone away.
I'm left to wander in the shadows,
A relic of a bygone day.
I hear the calls of other tigers,
But they are young and full of life.
I long to join them in their hunting,
But my old bones can't take the strife.
So I sit here in my cave and watch,
The world go by outside my door.
I'm lonely, but I'm not afraid,
For I know that I've lived my score.

I hope you like it!

I did! Very impressive for less than 10 seconds of work; I'm sure you'll agree. It scans well, has rhythm and the rhymes aren't forced. (Ignore the image of a cave with a door!) Time for something more abstract.

Question: Write a joke about a salesman, the Pope and a gorilla.

Response: Sure, here is a joke about a salesman, the Pope, and a gorilla:
A salesman walks into the Vatican and approaches the Pope. "Your Holiness," he says, "I have a product that will revolutionise the Catholic Church. It's a new kind of gorilla suit that will allow you to walk among the people without being recognised."

The Pope is intrigued. "Tell me more," he says.
The salesman explains that the gorilla suit is made of a special material that is both comfortable and durable. It also has a built-in voice modifier that will allow the Pope to speak in a deep, guttural voice that will sound like a gorilla.

The Pope is impressed. "This sounds like a wonderful product," he says. "How much does it cost?"

The salesman smiles. "Your Holiness," he says, "for you, it's free."

The Pope is delighted. "Thank you," he says. "I will take it."

The salesman hands the Pope the gorilla suit and shows him how to put it on. The Pope puts on the suit and adjusts the voice modifier. He then walks out into the Vatican Gardens, where he mingles with the people.

The people are amazed to see a gorilla walking among them. They point and stare, but the Pope just smiles and waves. He is enjoying his new-found anonymity.
After a while, the Pope gets tired and decides to go back to his chambers. He takes off the gorilla suit and hangs it up. Then he sits down at his desk and reflects on the day's events.

"That was fun," he thinks. "I should do that again sometime."
Just then, there is a knock at the door. The Pope opens it and sees the salesman standing there.

"Your Holiness," the salesman says. "I have a question for you."

"What is it?" the Pope asks.

"Well," the salesman says, "I was just wondering... how did you know I was a gorilla?"

Hmm. A definite gap in Bard's repertoire – a grasp of what makes something funny. I'd enjoyed the buildup – weirdly reminiscent of the Emperor's New Clothes – but the punchline's failure to land isn't only because it's unfunny. It makes no sense! However, this glitch did afford me the opportunity to become more conversational with Bard.

Question: Can you explain the punchline to me?

Response: Sure. The punchline is that the salesman is also wearing a gorilla suit. The Pope was able to tell because the salesman's voice was coming through the voice modifier in the gorilla suit. This is a funny twist because the salesman thought he was being clever by selling the Pope a gorilla suit, but the Pope was actually one step ahead of him.

The joke also works because it plays on the stereotype that gorillas are not very intelligent. The salesman assumed that the Pope would not be able to tell that he was also wearing a gorilla suit, but the Pope was able to figure it out because he was a very intelligent man. This makes the joke even funnier because it subverts the stereotype.

Question: But surely the Pope would SEE if the salesman was in a gorilla suit or not? 

Response: That's a good point. The joke would not work if the Pope could see that the salesman was also wearing a gorilla suit. However, the joke relies on the audience's suspension of disbelief. The audience is asked to imagine that the Pope is unable to see that the salesman is also wearing a gorilla suit, even though this is clearly impossible.

This is a common technique in comedy. Jokes often rely on the audience's willingness to suspend their disbelief in order to enjoy the humour. In this case, the audience is asked to imagine that the Pope is not as intelligent as he actually is in order to make the joke work.

Question: The salesman says, How did you know I was a gorilla? But that doesn't make sense because he is NOT a gorilla. Rewrite the joke so that the punchline makes sense but is funny.

Response: Sure, here is a rewritten version of the joke:
A salesman walks into the Vatican and approaches the Pope. "Your Holiness," he says, "I have a product that will revolutionise the Catholic Church. It's a new kind of gorilla suit that will allow you to walk among the people without being recognised."

The Pope is intrigued. "Tell me more," he says.
The salesman explains that the gorilla suit is made of a special material that is both comfortable and durable. It also has a built-in voice modifier that will allow the Pope to speak in a deep, guttural voice that will sound like a gorilla.
The Pope is impressed. "This sounds like a wonderful product," he says. "How much does it cost?"

The salesman smiles. "Your Holiness," he says, "for you, it's free."
The Pope is delighted. "Thank you," he says. "I will take it."
The salesman hands the Pope the gorilla suit and shows him how to put it on. The Pope puts on the suit and adjusts the voice modifier. He then walks out into the Vatican Gardens, where he mingles with the people.

The people are amazed to see a gorilla walking among them. They point and stare, but the Pope just smiles and waves. He is enjoying his new-found anonymity.
After a while, the Pope gets tired and decides to go back to his chambers. He takes off the gorilla suit and hangs it up. Then he sits down at his desk and reflects on the day's events.

"That was fun," he thinks. "I should do that again sometime."
Just then, there is a knock at the door. The Pope opens it and sees the salesman standing there.
"Your Holiness," the salesman says. "I have a question for you."
"What is it?" the Pope asks.
"Well," the salesman says, "I was just wondering... how did you know I was wearing a gorilla suit?"
The Pope smiles. "Because," he says, "you're still wearing the salesman suit underneath."

The salesman looks down and realises that the Pope is right. He is still wearing his regular clothes underneath the gorilla suit. He blushes and stammers an apology.
The Pope just laughs. "It's okay," he says. "I'm just glad you didn't try to sell me the salesman suit too."

The salesman laughs too. "I wouldn't dare," he says. "Not to you, Your Holiness."
The Pope and the salesman shake hands, and the salesman leaves. The Pope smiles as he watches him go. He is glad that he had a chance to meet such a clever and funny salesman.

Oh, dear! Maybe Bard is a surrealist riffing off the comedic spirit of Spike Milligan or the Mighty Boosh. Bard could not see that the whole premise was flawed – if you're trying to wander around unobserved, you DON'T dress up as a great ape! Mastering the basics of a coherent story, let alone humour, is still a long way off. Any striking screenplay writers reading this can rest easy in their beds. Not wanting to write Bard off too quickly, I gave it one more chance:

Question: Write a joke that combines the phrases "Is the Pope Catholic?" and "Does a bear poop in the woods?"

Response: Sure,
Why did the Pope cross the road?
To get to the confessional.
Why did the bear cross the road?
To get to the woods.
Why did the Pope and the bear cross the road?
Because they were both Catholic.

The joke is funny because it plays on the two phrases "Is the Pope Catholic?" and "Does a bear poop in the woods?" The first phrase is a rhetorical question that is always answered with "yes." The second phrase is a statement that is also always true.

The joke works because it takes these two phrases and applies them to a situation that is not normally associated with them. In this case, the Pope and a bear are crossing the road. This is a strange situation, but it is made even stranger by the fact that the Pope and the bear are both Catholic.

The joke is also funny because it is unexpected. The listener expects the Pope and the bear to cross the road for different reasons. The Pope is expected to cross the road to get to the confessional, while the bear is expected to cross the road to get to the woods. However, the joke reveals that they are both crossing the road for the same reason: because they are both Catholic.

This unexpected twist is what makes the joke funny. It is a clever way to use two well-known phrases to create a new and unexpected joke.

Notice that Bard defended its joke in advance to pre-empt my criticism. Weirdly though, I found the silliness of the joke quite amusing. I decided to move on to more serious matters.  AI philosophy and learning. Read more in next week’s blog or discover the series